Storytime!

You know what really grinds my gears?

Introductions that have absolutely no relevance or connection to a writer's main idea. It's the worst. It's like a literary game of syke. Or an episode of the Family Guy. I hate shows that pull away from the story for some bullcrap.

So I thought that I would treat everyone to the picturebook fairytale that was one of my first dates with Denise. The setting is the year 2006, on a brisk saturday evening in January. I was at the time a fresh off-the-plane return missionary for my LDS church, spending two years in the backalleys of Colorado's finest one horse towns. I haven't had a date in 25 months. I haven't flirted with a girl in forever, and at this point I'd hardly been working at Lexus for a month and it was post Christmas, so I was broke as a joke. I borrow money from my dad, as well as his luxury Hyundai XG300, otherwise known as a glorified Sonata. I'm a little nervous.

So I also was supplied by my dad two tickets to the Fremont Symphony Orchestra. Yes, THE Fremont Symphony Orchestra. Originally I was instructed by my dad to take my sweet mother out to the show, but when he met Denise and was made aware of a schedule conflict the night of the show, the tickets were offered in an attempt to land them a sweet daughter-in-law. What kind of respectable girl doesn't like the Symphony?

So I pick up Denise and take her to the most hip, upscale, trendy dining establishment that I can think of/afford. China Chilis. Can Chinese food get any better? Probably not, but ignorance is bliss. We have a nice table for two near the player piano, and I'm pretty much playing my cards exactly right. Sweet car, expensive food, and I was wearing a tie.

Just when I think things couldn't get any better, I look to the door and see my hopes and dreams of a hot massage therapist mormon girlfriend pretty much shatter: My dad walks through the doorway, walking right towards us. Of all the gin joints in all the world. He apparently went through the trouble of making Denise and I a map to Ohlone College where the concert will take place. I'd been going to Ohlone for five semesters by now, but just in case I didn't know my way around, he drew a sketch of the parking lot and let us in on a little secret VIP parking spot close to the Smith Center. I'm in panic.

I have no idea what Denise is thinking, but all I can think is, man, this is going to be an EXPENSIVE last date.

We finish dinner and follow my dad's handdrawn map, which actually did give us a sweet parking spot. We made it through about 2 and half songs until we'd had our fill, and we bounced. Upon returning to my dad's car in my dad's private parking spot, we discovered a love letter from a member of Ohlone's police force. My dad's parking spot resulted in a parking ticket, because he had us park in the middle of a loading zone!

Any normal floozie would have dropped me like a bad habit, but somehow Denise's mom caught us making out on her driveway later that night. Give me a high five!

Rocky Mountain Memories

I wasn't quite sure what to expect when Arnold said we were going to visit his old mission in Colorado. It's been a good three years now since he has been home, and really.. who remembers missionaries from three years back anyways? Well, Colorado does. We were welcomed with open arms to an overwhelming amount of homes over a two day period. The area is beautiful, and the people were so friendly. We have pretty much already been adopted by three families, and i've made a new bestie. So far we've been EXTREMELY over fed by members, driven over 500 miles, told that snow is awesome, and convinced to move there within 12 months. It may just be the altitude, but i'm biting. Colorado, here we come!!

London Calling...

You know what really grinds my gears?

International keyboards. Where the fonz is my ampersand? And for that matter, my -at- sign? And how do I generate quotes?? This thing is teh sux, quote unquote. My shift key is the smallest key on the keyboard. I hope no one likes apostrophes. European keyboards are essentially worthless. Anyways, I guess this could use some explaination...

I'm in London. And I just discovered my apostrophe, thank you. Thank you. Don't ask me why I'm here, unless you've got about a half a day to listen to a sordid tale about gifts and curses, camping trips, the mentally insane, standby tickets, stimulus checks and the job that just wouldn't fire me. If you can wait, we're submitting the screenplay to pre-production, and this epic comedy will be hitting theaters in early December. I'll make a long story a little less long. Denise and I are en route to the Madeira Islands of Portugal to visit the land of her Forebearers. Through a really bizarre chain of events we ended up with a 3 night stay in London, which thus far we have milked for just about all it's worth.

The best part of the trip, however, was the fact that Denise and I are on seprate flights, she possesing an actual legit ticket, and me with a Employee 1st class standby ticket out of Oakland, by way of Denver and Chicago, booked about a week ago. Apparently I'm not the only one traveling this summer, as I was bumped from my first 3 flights starting at five in the morning, barely squeezed onto a flight to Denver, and took my chances on non-stop London flight leaving late that night. They weren't expecting me to get on, as every flight out of Denver for the next 3 days were oversold by almost 10 people each. United = Awesome. Let me tell you, that marks the second time that I have spent 9+ hours in the Denver Airport. That place rules.

Well, thanks to a freak thunderstorm causing mass landing delays, I made my flight no sweat. 1st class would have been sweet if I'd only been told of the dress code for those on employee tickets, and thus I was bumped to coach due to my shameful brand new Converse Chucks.

Meanwhile, Denise is FREAKING OUT because we can't communicate while she's in London due to a lack of international calling plans from verizon, so she's imagining this horrible catastophe where I arrive in London two days after she flys to Portugal, where I would get to enjoy two weeks here with no hotel, and no money.

But, as always, the universe revolves around me, and therefore Denise also. So I land in London just about an hour after she landed. We met up at the border, played good cop/bad cop the the border patrol officer, and lived happily ever after.

In the end: Denise has a heart attack, Arnold gets 4 hours sleep in 3 days, and the trip couldn't have worked out better thus far.

Thee Premiere

Denise and Arnold are awesome.